The LOA bible (New testament)

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by mattvision09, Sep 27, 2014.

  1. mattvision09
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    The book of Mattvision
    2000 LOA years ago, Cobi was bored. 1:1
    He decided he was going to make a virgin pregnant, coz he's cool like that. 1:2
    All through the land, he searched for someone persuasive enough to convince everyone it was a virgin, even though it was preggo. 1:3
    The person Cobi found was Matt6666. He shall be the virgin Matt, and birth the savior of the legioners. 1:4
    When Matt realized he hadn't manstruated in 9 months, and his moobs were unusually swollen, he started to seem suspicious, and realized he was preggo, even though he was a virgin. And a man. 1:5
    The angel 1ntens1ty came down, laughed his ass off, gave him some preparation H and athletic tape, and told him to fear not, for he is to deliver the holy butt baby, the son of Cobi. 1:6

    Matt told this to his husband, JAMESTHEJRAGON. 2:1
    Matt had his first contraction, and they knew it was time. 2:2
    They searched the town of their base, but couldn't find anywhere to carry the child, because all the villager hotels they built were vacant. 2:3
    So they carried him in this gross thing that farm animals either shit in, or eat out of, but let's gloss over that and replace the weird slop with some hay. 2:4
    A star in the sky was pointing towards Youye as he was being shat out, and 3 wise men netherwalked to the coords of where it was. 2:5
    With them, they brought a stack of diomat blocks, an invisibility potion, and a regen potion. It was 12/25/0000 0:17:32 BY (Before Youye) when they arrived, and the holy butt baby was born. 2:6
    Matt6666 will never walk again, and remains in a wheel chair. 2:7

    Youye grew up and moved to spawn, spreading his word to all the other spawn ants. 3:1
    They were the chosen people of LOA, who ended up at spawn again for some reason, and they listened to him, as a prophet. 3:2
    One day, Cobi gave him OP, and he walked on water. Many saw him as a hacker, and thought he should be stoned and sent to the pits of LOE. Others, thought he was an admin, because he was the son of the Admin. 3:3
    They were his first followers, and Youye asked them to spread his message far and wide. 3:4
    While the chosen people who lived in the promised land thought he was a traitor, and refused his truth, the chosen people who became spawn ants worshiped him. 3:5
    Youye was the king of the spawn ants. 3:6

    If your right mouse button causes you to hack, cast it from you, for it is more profitable that one of your buttons should perish, than thy whole account shall be cast into LOE. 3:7

    The book of voiredire
    Life as a spawn ant was rough. The AA Empire controlled the area, and the ants were all oppressed. 1:1
    Youye was a carpenter, and he rebuilt random shit that was accidentally built too close to spawn and made it far enough away that it wouldn't be degenerated. 1:2
    The ants were starving, so Youye used his magic OP powers, to feed thousands of them. 1:3
    He caught one fish, and harvested one piece of wheat, and turned it into a double chest of cooked fish, and a double chest of bread. 1:4

    Cobi realized that there was no way for people to not hack. Everyone was being sent to the pits of LOE, and the only person who won't is the son of Cobi himself. So Cobi came up with a plan. 1:5

    Youye's message grew stronger, and the AA Empire got worried. 2:1
    They knew that if the spawn ants rise up, they will revolt, and overthrow the AA Empire. 2:2
    Their only choice was to destroy Youye, and destroy his message before it consumes the people. 2:3
    The AA Empire planed to find Youye through JPayne91. They offered him 64 diomats, if they tell him the location of his spawn base. 2:4
    JPayne91 didn't accept. They offered him 10 diomat blocks, and JPayne91 didn't accept. They offered him 30 pieces of diomat blocks, and he couldn't resist the temptation. He sold Youye out to the AA Empire. 2:5

    The book of 1ntens1ty
    Instead of crying like absolute bitches, Youye's followers stood up against the AA Empire, and defended his base.
    1:1
    Youye attempted to escape after his people lost the battle. Though he was armed, he refused violence, and let the AA catch him. 1:2
    He was brought to the head of the AA, Xenon. 1:3

    He faced him, and Xenon asked him "Are you the son of Cobi?". 2:1
    Youye looked at him and said yes. He received lashings, and was asked again "Are you the son of Cobi?". He never denied it. 2:2
    Youye was forced to carry a cross up a mountain, and those of his followers who had no balls were crying. 2:3
    Youye looked at them and said "fear not for me, but for your children." They wondered what Youye meant. 2:4
    At the top of the mountain, Youye placed the blocks in the shape of a cross, and was nailed to it by the AA. 2:5
    A sign was placed at the top of the cross, and it said "Youye of midspawn, king of the ants". 2:5

    For Cobi so loved the server, he gave his only son to death, so all that accept a vouch shall be saved, and redeemed. 3:1
    For those who forgive their neighbor share the spirit of forgiveness with Youye. 3:2
    And those who accept Youye's forgiveness, those who accept his sacrifice, shall be saved from the pits of LOE. 3:3

    Youye died for your hacks. 3:4

    Youye's followers checked his tomb every day, and his crucified body was still there. Red from the damage, lying on the ground from the death animation. 4:1
    But on the third day, Youye's body was gone, and they wondered where it went. 4:2
    For on the third day, Youye had conquered death, and returned once more to log on to LOA. 4:3
    His followers were amazed, and they put their fingers through Youye's hand holes where he was nailed, to prove it was really Youye. Then he went back to being dead..... I guess...... 4:4

    The book of ur_mum
    Judgement day, the final hours of the server, when Cobi sets LOA to hardcore mode, and the beings of LOE spawn in LOA, will be the final occasion, where Youye returns again. 1:1
    The second coming of Youye shall be upon the witnesses, and those who are good, and never have hacked, shall be auto-moved to the Nexus, while those who hack shall remain on LOA. 1:2
    The hackers who never were forgiven by Youye will return to LOA, and all shall be set straight. 1:3
    All shall be sorted out, and simply those who believe Youye is their mod and voucher, shall be forgiven, and receive eternal paradise in the Nexus. 1:4

    End of the new testament.
     
    Last edited: Nov 29, 2014
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  2. JacobiCarter
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  3. brasil2908
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    I love Cobi's reactions to these.
     
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  4. 1ntens1ty
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    At least I am mentioned in this one... even if it was a minor role. Still, I see plot holes...
     
  5. mattvision09
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    Treason and blasphemy, burn him!
     
  6. 1ntens1ty
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  7. mattvision09
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    Added gospels, and verses.

    If your right mouse button causes you to hack, cast it from you, for it is more profitable that one of your buttons should perish, than thy whole account shall be cast into LOE. 3:7
     

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